About The River

Wednesday, February 24, 2016


 It is Wednesday! 
This week Joyce the author of the Hodgepodge as declared a Hodgepodge Spring Break!

Last week one of the questions in the Hodgepodge was regarding a toxic situation. And if you have ever had the courage to leave a toxic situation.

I say courage because it takes courage to say "No More!"

For me this took place in year 2012. I said "No More!"

What I found so interesting is that several bloggers posted something about poor friendships in a post  or comment last week. It made me think back to when I had to say "No More".


 For me, warning signs began to pop out.

I always felt like I had to justify my actions.
I will share one example. Trick or Treating ~ this "friend" did not believe in Halloween or Trick or Treating. I am fine with having different opinions. I have several friends who have different opinions from me. We leave it as that.
And if it is just all in fun for little ones to go around to neighbors, family and friends, dressed up as a Star Wars character, who cares.
Oh my! I will never forget the hammer that fell on me for my actions. 

I started to not be me around this person. I would try to be who they wanted me to be!

There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who won't even jump a puddle for you.

And did it help? No, it got worse! I was not me, I was trying to be someone else.
And I continued to be criticized, I continued trying to justify the things I did or did not do. 
Finally, I had it! No more. And back in 2012, I walked away.
It was not easy.  

 I am thankful for the friends who loved me during that hard time. It was difficult because I left a circle. I could no longer be in that circle, because she was in the circle.
2016 will be going on four years since I made the decision to say "No More".

What positive things came from this decision?
I am no longer working on trying to PLEASE someone I never could.
This frees me! It frees my spirit and it frees my dreams.

I hope this post helps some of you that commented or wrote about friendships last week.

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.


  1. What a beautiful post filled with such wisdom. Good for you for leaving this toxic friend and circle. You lost nothing and gained self respect and also good for for you for wanting to help others in the same situation. It does indeed requires courage to change.
    It reminds me of St Francis of Assisi prayer Lord give me the courage to change the things I can change, to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.
    Carla, I must add that the other lost a treasure when she lost you as a friend.

  2. Carla, thank you for stopping by.

    Glad you left your toxic friend. Friends should be encouragers, not discouragers.

    Cute baby chicks,

  3. Good for you!! That is a hard thing to do and you must be proud of yourself! What cute chick photos!

  4. This is a beautiful post, Carla, and such an important thing to learn. I've had the same experience at a few different times in my life. You're right, it's not easy, it hurts, and yet you know in your heart that it is the right thing to do. BTW, I love the flowers in your garden. xo :-)

    Cute accompanying photos! make me smile.

    1. It's especially hard when relatives are involved but toxic people can poison your life. I've learned just to say "goodbye"....

  5. Sometimes you have to be strong and move on ...

    Just love the flowers and the chicks, made me smile ... and a smile is good!

    All the best Jan

  6. I have been where you are and eventually I had to step away and save myself. It took me a long time though. I think the final straw was that my kids were getting older and saw the interactions at playdates and would ask me why I said that I liked (fill in the blank) when they knew I didn't. I did it because it was easier than arguing with someone who wasn't really interested in my point of view. I didn't want to be a bad role model, so I stepped away. Not easy I agree!

  7. It's SO hard when, even as adults, we have those toxic relationships. My children helped me see that it's not worth keeping others around who are negative, or who are selfish, or who are too opinionated. I would not them to have those friends and I know that they see me as their example. There's great power and strength in that! I LOVE the quote about friends! Thank you for this!

  8. It helps for others to share that they have experienced this same situation. I've had to do it a couple of times in my life. I love your photos and quotes in this post.

  9. I've had to do that in the past...and it hurts. Thankfully we heal as God brings new friends into our lives...friends who accept us and our opinions, whether they agree with them or not. If we were all the same, we would be quite boring...all clones of each other! Love and hugs to you sweet friend!

  10. I love this post so much! And I must say that it disappoints me when Christians are so legalistic that they lose sight of what's truly important, like people's feelings, for one.

    Your post hits a sore spot with me because I would love to say NO MORE to the State of Alabama. The legislation they are trying to pass here that would impact special needs kids is reminiscent of Nazi Germany. I want out. I want to move!!!! :(

  11. This was a courageous and powerful post indeed Carla. Many times those who are toxic in our lives have intertwined themselves so deeply into our lives that the breaking away hurts so deeply. I can deeply empathize with you. We too have had to break away from friendships where there was no room to grow and be who you are. We never did this in anger, but in love, and were kind about it, but firm. It hurts though! Appreciate this post today... may the Lord continue to bless you! :)

  12. Fabulous shots. And thank you for sharing your story.

  13. Yes, I have had to say "no more" to toxic situations/relationships several times. The psychology of it is fascinating sometimes, looking back. But when you're in the situation/relationship, it feels (at least in my experience) like you're a caged bird or a confused pet that is alternately praised and chastised. I'm so glad you (and I) were able to break free of the situation(s). These types of relationships can be soul-destroying. Blessings to you for a joyful future full of healthy relationships!

  14. Good for you. It definitely takes a lot of courage to say "no more". I wish I had that courage at different points in my life when I should have said no more!
    BEAUTIFUL photo's. I could not love a photo more today than the ones I have seen here :) :)

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  16. What a hard and brave thing for you to do, Carla. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it inspires others to be brave, too.

    Oh, and those baby chicks!!! Too adorable!

    Hope you're having a lovely weekend! It's been fun catching up with your blog!


High Fives from Wisconsin!

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