About The River

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Code Mama


I titled this post Code Mama, code mama is what I had to make up between me and my boys during holiday break, more for me, because I did not want to smother them.

First, take a peek at what I received for Christmas from Sam. This is a charm necklace. You put the birthstone colors and charms that you want inside.
I love it!

December 21st was the day Sam arrived back home. I was so excited for my little boy to be home. I also knew that I might be over powering as "mom". 

I had this tight feeling in my throat, I did not want to smother my son. Yet, I wanted to be mom. I was in such a strange position. I really am not able to write exactly how I felt. All I can say, is my son is an American Soldier, he is very grown up, he is very strong, full of muscles and has experienced many things and encountered many different types of people.  It was one of those mama moments, all of a sudden I needed help.

I have two friends who have grown boys that I reached out and messaged.





Mary and Bonita, both of my friends who have recently watched boys become men. 

Both gave me great advice. I did talk to Sam and Atticus about how I was feeling and that I did not want to smother. And when we are out and about, they can give me the Code Mama.. when I just might be too much mama.

Below are the messages I had with Mary and Bonita. 






I have been blessed with fantastic friends, blog buddies and family to help me along this journey. As Bonita shared  motherhood does not end, it changes. I pray for our relationship to continue to grow as my boys grow into grown men.


 Sam received several gifts for Christmas to set up house when he returns home and heads to college in the Autumn of 2019. I helped him pack his items in a tote. He hugged me and asked me if I will help decorate. 

♥ 
 Carla

24 comments:

  1. It's wonderful to have good friends to share things with...love the messages! And that necklace that you put charms in is beautiful! What a cute idea and perfect gift! Enjoy your day!

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  2. Carla, I'm so glad you have friends who can give you advice. Being a mom is such a hard thing, regardless of how grown our kids may be. I have had to temper myself to not smother my boys either...and they are 35 and 28. I think it is just natural to want to jump in and take care of them, do things for them and just keep them as little boys. I've learned they have to experience life, just as we do, to grow! Love and hugs! Love your necklace!!

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  3. Aww I'm glad you've had people to help you through this tough time!! Of course he wants you to help decorate. That will be fun!! xo

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  4. Carla, you are a wise mom. You raised them well but you will never be able to protect them from every harm... God tells us what is right and what is wrong but He gives us freedom to choose. He gives us free will.
    You can ask many people for advice and I bet you'll get many different advice. Changing role is a difficult thing to do. I have had three girls and one boy and letting go was the hardest thing I had to do. I told them that they knew how I expected them to behave but that it's their decisions and they will have to bear the consequences of their decisions but that I was always there if they needed help and that they were always welcome home. Feeling loved is very powerful.
    I still pray everyday for my children. They don't always make the best decisions but it's their lives and not mine. I haven't always made the best decisions either.
    All I know, they will always be our little boys and girls, no matter how old they are.
    Hugs, Julia

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  5. You will have me crying. How sweet, and what sweet friends you have. I love that last line...he hugged me and asked if I will help decorate. You have been such a good mama and raised good boys. Love you Carla.

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  6. It's hard to let go, but you've done such an amazing job with your sons. Prayer certainly helps, but it is a challenge when they leave home for the first time. Your friends rock! What sweet, loving friends you have!

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  7. It is sad when they leave the nest, but we are thankful that they are able to be independent. Sounds like you have done a great job with your sons!

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  8. That necklace is perfect. What a wonderful gift. Your friends are awesome! He still needs his mom....

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  9. This is a hard one alright. Because we are biologically and psychologically programmed to be mothers, first and foremost. And changing that to something else is just not natural. For you especially, because Sam is a strong independent soldier. In certain ways, knowing and experiencing even more than you. But I think the Code Mama and asking your friends is the perfect thing! The gift is so wonderful, I love it!!

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  10. It's hard when they leave the nest but that's what we raise them for. To move on. But that's not to say it's easy and you never stop worrying about them and yes it is hard to step back and let them make their own way. The fact that you recognise situations and reach out for advice etc shows what a great Mum you are.

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  11. Oh, what sweet and wonderful words, my friend. I will have to remember the wise words your friends shared for when my son is grown up {{smiles}}

    And my, what a precious gift from Sam! Hugs to you, dear Carla!

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  12. Great advice from your friends and you have raised an amazing young man who obviously loves his mom! Great post!

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  13. Oh Carla love the precious gifts. Glad your have your friends with son's understanding what you are going through. It is always good to have friends that can actually know how you are feeling. I think whether we have girls or boys we always will be mother's first no matter how old our kids become. I still live by the motto you can mess with me but don't mess with my kids or you will see an angry mama bear you have never seen. So I think we will love and protect them forever. That will never stop. I like the code mama that you have the boys use if things are getting too overwhelming. I love that you could talk to them and let them know how you are feeling and that if things are too much for them they can call the code mama!!!! Just know that both Sam and Atticus are becoming the men today from wonderful role models of you and your husband. Their choices in their adult journey's are a reflection of your love, care and example. So be a proud mama and never ever think the protective mama bear will ever not be there if needed.
    Hugs,
    Kris

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  14. How proud you must be. You have some amazing friends to be there and help you through!

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  15. It's a tough dance isn't it...this mothering of adult (or almost adult) children? I can imagine it's harder with boys than with girls, but it seems that you have a great support system in place and even more importantly, a great open relationship with your boys. That is a testament to your parenting. They are so lucky to have such an awesome caring mom who is mindful of their needs and feelings while trying to meet her own. ❤️

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  16. What a nice post and such good advice from your friends.
    You have raised wonderful boys and they are growing into wonderful adults.
    Well done for being such a caring, loving and understanding mum :)

    All the best Jan

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